This year has been an amazing roller coaster ride for me. I have had ups and downs, just as most of you. I have learned more about myself this year than I have in all 35 years of my life. I think the most important thing that I've learned, is that I have so much more to learn.
I began this journey for many of the wrong reasons. I hated myself. I was jealous of most people around me. I had become so negative and so self loathing at the end of 2011 that I began to self destruct, both literally and figuratively. Although, it saddens me that it was that road I chose, I have no regrets, because that road is what led me to the one I'm on now.
2012 brought so many changes to my life. The most obvious to most people is the over 60lbs that I lost, but to me, the most obvious and amazing change is the one that has happened inside. My heart is not as heavy as it used to be. I no longer feel like I need to punish myself for things that happen. I not only allow myself to take joy in the successes of others, but it has become part of my life. I no longer look at someone who is fit and say "God, why is that not me?". Instead, I say, "Wow, their hard work and dedication is so inspiring to me. I cannot wait to be that inspirational to someone else." To me, that is more impressive than any outward change I could ever make.
While I realize that might not sound like a big deal to many, it is a huge deal to me. This year has not been an easy one. Failed relationships, people making fun of me, having people I love be hurt by selfish and disgusting people, struggling financially, having my family totally fall apart right before my eyes, losing many loved ones to health and emotional problems...It has been rough to say the least. I am so thankful for those who have stuck by my side, when others were nasty to me. I am thankful for those who have encouraged me when I thought that I could not succeed. I am thankful for a God who has loved me through every single hateful act that I committed upon myself. I am thankful for those who have prayed for me, even if they never told me they were, I know that they did and that made all the difference.
This year has taught me so much. I am trying to make amends for the wrong things I have done and said. I am trying to see the positive in every situation, even when that is the hardest thing to do. All in all, this year has been my growing time. I am more focused on achieving my goals than ever before. I am excited for the new year and all that it will bring.
I hope that all those who have doubts about themselves and the power that is within them, read this and realize that they can do whatever is important to them. It takes time, but it is worth the investment.
So here's to the end of 2012 and the bright beginning of 2013!!!
